tired

i lost the condo. my condo. what would have been my home in one week, gone. one of the others went into forclosure and with only units total, no bank would then give me a loan. well i'm still pre-approved so now i start over.... again. i'm sad, mad, tired, upset, worn down by the whole process. my down payment money has been drained now by inspections, de/re-winterization fee, earnest money, etc. payments. now i've paid out my money with nothing to show for it. i'm pissed honestly, just pissed, and so tired.

where i'm living now, lets just say i'm uncomfortable, and it's not just from the cracking lead paint and the house splitting and falling apart, nor the non-working toilet i've had for months... nor the unsafe back door and stairs falling off, no railings, no... well okay long list. this place is making me sick, stressing me out which does not help my immune system. it's no healthy but i have no where else to go till i find a place.

i'm just tired, that spark of optimism is faded... the whole notion thinking that house hunting would be fun, ha! i learned i hate it. it's no fun when it's for yourself, your home and money is on the line, and you wait with most of it out of your control. it sucks. it was fun when my parents were looking for a place, and sure i'm curious and like open houses, and love to think of potential of places and decorating, but this is eating away at me. i'm so tired. my room mate and others around me trying to cheer me on say "it wasn't meant to be" or "you'll find something better" which both statements are true but right now it's hard to not just shrug them off and focus on the unfortunate events as of late.

i will however pick my head back up. i still really want a town house, maybe now i'll find one... i've tried to buy a house, and a condo both fell through... maybe a townhouse will be that third time the charm deal. i guess we'll see, for now i'm bummed, major bummed. so i need to kick my own ass, make a new list of places, grab a bottle of advil and set a day to go look at as many places as i can in one day.

since the condo fell through from no fault of mine, i did cheer myself up a bit with some goodies off etsy. i'm selling my coloring books on there again, or atleast trying... but for now i bought some goodies i hope to see soon. i also bought some supplies to make some stuff to sell before the holidays. that is fun, it cheers me up, and distracts me. than again my creative hobbies is a major reason i want to find a place already so i can set up a full time studio for myself. hmpf. oh well. soon... soon.