today was the inspection for the condo i am buying. nothing unexpected came out so it's still a go for closing. some work needs to be done, then a whole lot of cosmetic work, i'm still terribly nervous but once i have the keys in my hand and paint on a brush i will know it's mine and it will feel more like a home. it's going to take a lot of paint... maybe that is an understatement. some caulking, sealing, and before that lots of stripping. tearing up the old carpet and replacing it. tearing out the countertop, that's just cause i don't like it, and replacing that with something less ceramic tile and more alternative and solid instead.
my bedroom is pretty much a hobbit hole, through a pint sized door in the living room, or a skinny door from the bathroom and then a yard long tunnel from either door. one small window that's under the deck will allow little light, and a whole lot of easy sleeping. one more door from the bedroom leads to an extra room with no closet, this will be my art studio hidden in the back away from everything else. a private little room for a creative mess. i think i'll cork the entire back wall and have the electrician run new outlets to the room.
in my little hole of a home i'll be farther from down town, living a lone which is a big draw back socially. i may be out of down town, and a bit further from friends but hopefully my place will be more comfortable and worth visiting. it's almost on sloan lake, perfect for walking my dog. i also get the tiny outdoor space i wanted. it is exactly what i was looking for, a one bedroom with a bonus room and just a little outdoor space enough to sit and read outside, and to have some sort of character about it. this converted speak easy mansion where they brewed boot leg gin in the basement suits me just fine.
that's pretty much everything that is on my mind right now. i keep having this worn out exhausted feeling. a feeling that i just want to go home so i can sleep, i don't feel i've been able to sleep in i don't know how long. i do not like sleeping at my parents' house, my chooses style over comfort when it comes to furniture, and my bed is at my apartment, but it just doesn't have a comfortable feeling here, and the giant cracks in the walls, my toilet hasn't worked right in months, and the back stairs falling off, it just doesn't feel like home.
i'm just so excited to be getting this place that i can fix up and make my own, for my own comfort. i feel i need to pull back to myself, focus on what i like to do, and re-build myself from there. right now i'm skimming along the surface, about to sink at any moment, but i just keep moving along down stream, no real direction, not sure really what to do. maybe this whole buying a home thing will help, and maybe it's just another idea i focus on till i reach it and find out it wasn't the answer. however it ends up being at least i'll have a place to start. an investment, it's moving forward, to where? no idea.