just got the electrical bill, it doubled from last month and that doubled the month before that. also our rent went up from out creepy land lord that does not seam to know any laws protecting tenant from people like him. i just want to get out quietly making the least amount of wake, but this is stressing me out. i never want to move again! if i don't find a house soon to keep my belongings in, i will put all my stuff into storage and live out of a van or something. not like i'd save much to live in a studio apartment again. not that anyone means to do it but i'm feeling pressure from a lot of people in my life, plus the pressure i put on myself and i feel like an over inflated balloon that keeps hitting the ugly popcorn ceiling.
each day i go to work and it's a struggle just to make it through the day, i barely do any work, it's not helping anyone. i need a vacation, just a brake, go somewhere exploring, oh wait but i'm broke... very broke.
should i find another job? what would i even do? i don't mind my job, i like working for my dad, it's not an opportunity everyone has nor will it last much longer since he hopes to retire soon.
my hair-brain ideas and stubborn attitude landed me here with a degree i don't really care for, and with all my resources exhausted... my family tried to help me and i got ripped off by a con artist. my mom trying to help or what-not i felt pressured to fallow her lead in buying a trailer business, but it's been a nightmare ever since we brought it home and the fighting of ideas started. now it's just a big heart break, even though now it's getting a little better now that we all acknowledge we have different interests for it and more as a family we can play with it, i guess. but still it exhausted my parents for helping me.
so here i am....
my heart or that gap in my chest feels like it's squeezing, and my jaw keeps clenching and for some reason i keep thinking if i think hard enough what i want to do, or should do will dawn on me.
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